So at the beginning of this new year, 2011, I came to an unsettling realization of my spiritual walk. God began to show me that my hunger level had drastically faded. He showed me that if I wasn't hungry for Him in my life, it was because I was already full of something else. So I began to seek Him to see what it was that was causing my hunger to be so non existent.
It was at this time I came across the Awakening. It is a movement that took place all over this country and the world for 21 days. It was a time of prayer and fasting to seek the heart of God for our lives, for our families and for our world. I knew this was God's answer to me. Check out their website at http://www.awake21.org/
I began to realize that the most innocent of things had begun to steal the gaze of my heart. Facebook, the internet, my hobbies, etc... Not bad in and of themselves, but bad in the fact that they stole the gaze of my heart, my attention and my hunger for God. I realized that my mind had become so cluttered with everything in this world, that I couldn't hear God's voice very clearly in my life. But most importantly, I had no hunger for the things of God because I was so full of everything else.
So I began this 21 day journey of prayer and fasting. I gave up "junk"....internet, tv, facebook, etc... and physical junk food....desserts, candy, etc... I had no idea the impact this time would make in my life, but I can boldly proclaim at the end of my journey, I was a changed heart.
God showed me so much during this time. I made myself get up extra early every morning to read and study God's Word and pray. I would spend the time at night that normally would've been in front of my computer doing the same thing. And let me tell you, when you put yourself in a position to hear God, YOU WILL!!!! You see what I became aware of, was that this time of fasting was allowing me to "disconnect" from the world, and to "connect" to God through prayer. And it was just what I needed to recharge myself spiritually and put myself back on a steady path. I don't tell you all of this to say that I'm anything special for doing what I did. I tell you this because I want you to know what is available to anyone who will place themselves at the altar of God and say "have Thine Own way in my life Lord."
Now don't get me wrong...I loved God before I began this journey. I was a strong Christian who stood by my beliefs and I loved to worship God in every situation I could. But the problem is that I knew there was more still. I knew I was living a merely mundane life, void of seeing God's power at work in and through me. And that's one of the biggest cries of my heart...to see God do awesome and mighty things in me and through me. I don't want to settle for day to day living that just "gets me by" spiritually. I want the supernatural power of God to transform me into all that He created me to be. I want to walk in fellowship with Him like I've never known. And you can't do that when your heart isn't full of Him and His Word. You can't do it when you have so much "static" interuppting your signal to hear His voice. So I had to get rid of the white noise that interferred with hearing Him clearly and use this time to focus my heart on seeking His.
So much happened along the way it would take days to write in one journal sitting. But one thing I have learned, which has inspired this blog, is that I need daily endurance to run the race before me. Being a runner, I learn so much about my spiritual walk through running. And one thing runners can't do without is energy. Well, spending time in God's Word and His presence gives us the daily spiritual energy to keep running. (you'll hear more about this in future blogs! :-) )
Of all the amazing things God showed me during my 21 days, the best thing that happened was seeing my 9 year old child come to know Christ. Charlie is a special boy anyway, but he has always had the most tender heart towards Christ. So for about the last 3-4 weeks I had been watching God move in his heart, drawing him to Himself. One night Charlie wanted to go and read our bibles together. So we did. He asked what I was reading and I told him Genesis. So he went there and started reading as well. We sat and read our own bibles together for probably 45 minutes to an hour. He was diligently reading his too. When we were done, he told me that God really touched his heart about what he was reading. I asked him what he had read and he proceeded to tell me about Cain and Abel. Now I'm thinking he was touched about brotherly love or something, but it went deeper for him. He began to tell me how God had showed him that his heart was sometimes like Cain's in that he hurt people by things he did. And he said God really has to clean our hearts for us not to do things like that. Then he proceeded to tell me that he needed God to just clean his heart so he wouldn't hurt people or be mean to them anymore. That opened a door about salvation and we talked for a bit but I left it with telling him that when he was ready, we would pray and ask Jesus to do jsut that and come cleanse his heart and live inside of him. So 2 days later, on Wednesday, January 26, which just so happened to be my spiritual birthday of 19 years, God began to dealing with Charlie's heart again on the way home from church. He got home and was very silent. he had sat on the couch just in his own little world for a bit and then eventually disappeared into his room. A little while later he comes to me and tells me that on the way home when we were listening to the cd in my car and our favorite song, "You Never Let Go" came on, he said he knew God was wanting him to do something. So when he got home he went and thought about it and knew what he was supposed to do. So he went into his room, knelt by his bed and asked Jesus into his heart. When I asked him what that meant for him to do that, he said, well, the old Charlie got thrown into the trash can and now Jesus has cleansed my heart and I am a new Charlie. PRAISE GOD!!! and to top it off we both share the same spiritual birthday. too cool!!!!
So to say that God did some amazing things the last few weeks would be an understatement. I'm so grateful for the time spent with Him and what He has shown me and done in me during this time. I can't wait to share more of it with you in the days ahead. But for now, I pray you, too, would become hungry for Him and His Word to be present and working in your life. May He turn all of our gazes towards Him and fill us up to overflowing with His Spirit.
Keep running....
Stacy
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