There's one word that's been at the center of His activity in my life lately. Death. It's a word I don't particulary like to say or experience, but it's become one that I am hearing over and over in my spirit in regards to what is happening in my life. Death has taken on a new meaning for me. Not physical death, but death in terms of dying to myself and allowing Him to replace my life and my self with more of Him. It's that kind of death.
I never realized how much junk I had lurking in my heart. I consider myself a good girl. I don't do the gross and horrid sins that we put so much emphasis on in the church. I regularly attend church. I'm a just a good ole Christian girl. But in the last few weeks He has begun to shine a light into the depths of my heart and I'm seeing that while I may be a "good" person, I have much to let the Holy Spirit do in my life.
As I've started studying these things, I notice one main theme in His word regarding it. He addresses the roots of sin in our hearts. While He hates sin, what we do is just a result of roots that we harbor in our lives. He addresses some specific things here....
These six things the Lord hates, indeed, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look [the spirit that makes one overestimate himself and underestimate others], a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that manufactures wicked thoughts and plans, feet that are swift in running to evil,
A false witness who breathes out lies [even under oath], and he who sows discord among his brethren.
Proverbs 6:16-19 Amplified
Can He get more clear than this? Wow.
He seems to have taken a spotlight lately and began to reveal to me some things I had hidden within my heart and had filed away as those things that aren't really "that" bad. You know, things like.... pride, fear, selfishness, greed, etc... THOSE things. I've never seen them the way He looks at them so clearly as I do now. And can I just say that it makes me sick to see these things operating in my life? I see how they cause me to withhold a large percentage of my heart to abandoned faith. I see how they cause me to live a life less than what I could be living because these things hinder me from walking in purity before Him.
The worst part? I see how these things are in His eyes. I see how they appear to Him. And they aren't pretty. As a matter of fact, they pretty much stink. They don't produce a fragrant aroma around His throne. Quite the opposite actually. They create a stinch. And the pride? Well the pride is just the worst smelling thing ever to Him. But to know that He hates these things and they operate in my life? I can only fall upon His grace and mercy and run to His mercy seat to find forgiveness and the strength to overcome. It's nothing I can do. He has already paid the price with His life. He does the work of transformation. Our part? Well, we have to die. We have to surrender.
I want a holy visitation from His Spirit. I want to be ready when He comes to visit His church. I want to be a pure vessal that He can pour in and through to others. I don't want to be a 80/20 christian. I can give Him 80% wholeheartedly, but that other 20 belongs to me. You know what you get when you mix hot and cold together don't you? Lukewarm. And do you know how He feels about lukewarm christianity? He spews it out of His mouth. I don't know about you, but that's not the kind of offering I want to give Him. One that makes Him vomit it out of His mouth? But that's what a lukewarm heart will do. I don't want any lukewarm water lurking in my heart. I want my heart set ablaze for Him in all things.
He's the creator of the universe. He spoke and the world was formed. He breathed and stars and galaxies went into place. Those same stars and galaxies are all singing praises to their Creator constantly. So who am I, this piece of clay, to think I am of such great significance to withhold not only my praise from Him, but to also withhold even the smallest part of my heart? He is worthy of my everything. Not my partial. He's worth my all.
So, here we are. My prayer? Show me how to die. Less of me, more of Him. I must decrease, He must increase. My utmost for His highest. All of me for all of Him.
