New blog and website

I'm so excited to announce that my new author website is up and running! A few changes are coming though.

I won't be making posts on this blog any longer.  Everything will be on the new blog under the website.  I hope you'll make the transition with me and come follow me over there!

www.stacyfulton.com


Come join the fun! :)

What's Your Story?

There's a song out called "When Love Sees You" by Mac Powell of Mercy Me.  The words were echoing through my heart this morning as I prepared to write this first of many in a blog series for infertility.

Tell Me your story, show Me your wounds
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love looks at you
Hand Me the pieces, broken and bruised
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love sees you

I see what I made in your mother's womb
And I see the day I fell in love with you
I see your tomorrows, nothing left to chance
I see My Father's fingerprints

I see your story, I see My name
Written on every beautiful page
You see the struggle, you see the shame
I see the reason I came

I came for your story, I came for your wounds
To show you what Love sees when I see you


I wanted to start out the first in this series with my story. Some of you who know me, know my story. But for those who don't, here ya go.

Do you remember the moment you made the decision to have a baby with your husband? You had the dream for years, and then you get married and the day comes when you make the decision that it's time to start your family. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they get married, they have a baby and live happily forever after.  Right?

Sounds good, but unfortunately life isn't always a fairytale.

My husband and I had the same dream. We made the decision to start our family and when days began to turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years, we got confused. After so many months of failed trys, we saw a doctor. Of course, we went through all the various tests to see what was going on. Our issue is not really one you hear alot of. We had an issue with our antibodies. They apparently didn't get along too well. And for reasons I couldn't see at the time, that sealed the door closed on our hopes for a child.

Like all women who get this news, I was devastated. I spent many, many months in anguish. The baby showers, the baby dedications, the Mothers/Fathers Day celebrations - all the things that tear a woman up going through infertility...yep -  been there, done that.

The stages and cycles of grief a woman goes through when a doctor says the dreaded word "infertility" are so crazy its hard to even put into adequate words.  But, they are real, nonetheless. They tear our hearts apart. They shout questions into our broken hearts. They bring wounds.

We have questions like -
 Why me?
 What's wrong with me?
 Does God not really love me?
 Why did He make me like this?

And a vast array of tons of more questions.

All these questions, all this pain, all this heartache.  Sometimes it's too much to bear. We find ourselves in a deep, black hole of emotional turmoil and depression. Our story soon begins to feel more like a nightmare than like a fairytale anymore.  I know, because I lived it for many years.

As I was listening to the song and thinking about all that's going through my heart on this topic, these words began to just come alive.

This is our story...we are walking through infertility. Our story is full of heartache and disappointment, of questions and hurts.  But here is our hope in the midst of it all....we have Him.

Would you allow the words of this song to wash over you today?  When the day is full of pain, tell your story to Jesus. Hand Him the broken and bruised pieces of your heart. Would you take your questions and give them to Him?  Let Him answer you through His Word.

Here's hope - He sees every tear.  He sees every moment you find yourself on your face in the pit of despair because another month has passed with nothing.  He sees every hope and dream you have running through your heart about your future. He sees YOU.  All of you. And He extends His hand to you to come with Him and find joy in your mourning.

He gives us a promise that we can always count on. Hebrews 13:5 assures us that He will never leave us or forsake us. Even when it may seem He is absent, I can assure you He's not.  Even when you can't see Him, He hasn't left your side.  Sometimes the darkness around us may hinder our view, but I can promise you He's still there.

There's lots more to my story, and I'll share it as we go through this journey together. I can tell you this - my story didn't end with infertility's heartbreak. It just began.  And it didn't end in sadness and despair. Yes, they were all part of the journey, but it didn't end there.  And yours doesn't have to either. 

What's your story? I'd love to hear it if you're willing to share it. 

I've got some cool things coming on here in some of the posts.  I have some people who have walked through this journey and want to share what they've learned as well.  Women - like you and me - who know the pain of infertility, but who also found the joy of hope in Christ alone.

Today, stand on the promise that He hasn't left you. And He never will.

Stacy

Tackling Infertility Head On

As most of you know if you've read my book, I battled the pains of infertility for several years. Because of that, I have a deep place in my heart for women who are walking those darkened days.  Though the years God has brought women into my path who were in it and needed encouragement along the way.

Which brings me to today.

When I was going through it, I searched constantly for a source of encouragement. I wanted to connect with other women who were at the same place I was. I needed to hear from people who knew exactly how I was feeling and who could help pull me from my pit of despair.

I fully believe that when God allows us to walk through something, He not only sees our path to freedom, but He sees others along the way that He will bring across our paths so that we can offer support and encouragement to them on their journey.

And that's what I want to do.

I know several women in my current circle of friends who are battling this right now.  I bet you do, too.  I want to reach out and offer hope to the hopeless. I want to encourage the barren woman to sing in this midst of her despair. I want to see her look up and catch the gaze of her heavenly Father offering her hope in the darkness and joy in her mourning.

I'm going to start a short series here on the blog for just that purpose. I'm going to talk openly and detailed about what infertility is and how it affects a woman going through it in so many ways.  I hope to bring to light some mysteries and confusions people have with it, and hopefully to give you a source of encouragement that you can offer to someone going through it.

Here's what I need from you right now though...I want to hear from you.  All of you! If you are currently going through infertility, what are your battles? What are your fears? What do struggle with the most?  Let's get open and real with it. I want to address it all.

If you are the friend of someone going through infertility and find yourself not knowing how to help them or encourage them, what are your questions?

I hope to answer all that I can.  I may not have all the answers, but I know the One who does, and together, we will make it through this journey! :)

You can comment here on this post or you can privately message me at dailyendurance@yahoo.com
with your questions or anything you want to see addressed here on this blog about it.

There IS hope to be found in the despair.  There IS joy to be found in the mourning.

I'll be posting everything here on the blog, but it will link to my facebook and twitter accounts.  If you know someone who needs it, please send them my way.

For His glory,
Stacy

Here I am, send me....

My heart has been in a flurry lately from hearing stories of people who are currently walking through places my heart has travelled dealing with infertility and adoption.

Because I know the pain of what those hard days can bring in infertility, I also know the hope that can be found in the midst of them.  Why? Because I found it first hand. I was lost in the sea of despair and hopelessness, but I was found.  I know what it's like to be lost in pain and uncertainty.  And I know what it's like to be found by the One Who loved me all along.

Sometimes it takes a miracle to pull us out of something we're going through, but other times, it just takes another heart who has felt the same pains we are feeling, to come alongside and encourage us along the way. And that's what God calls us to do.

He calls us to go and find the lost.  Not just the ones lost from God by their sin, but the ones who are lost in their circumstances.  The ones who are lost in their difficult moments.  The ones who are lost in their dirty, muddy, messy moments they call life.  He calls us to THEM.

It's easy to turn our heads and ignore their pain. It's easier to close our ears to their cries for help.  It's easier to stay snuggled safely in the shelter of our own world, away from the cares and needs of others.  But is that really what Christ died for?  Did He really give up everything for me, just so I could be selfish and lazy and lacking sympathy and love for my fellow man?  Really?

Do I really have the audacity to look Him in the face and tell Him I don't have time to care for the hurting, to help the lonely, to love the unlovable, to go into the hard places where people are void of life and hope and bring them the love that Christ so freely showed me?  Really??

I sometimes wander what He is thinking when He looks and sees so much hurt in the hearts of people and when He nudges His children to go and be the light that He has called us to be, we immediately begin vomitting out our excuses as to why we can't.  I wander what it does to His heart when His children fail to live out the calling He has placed on each of our lives because we are too busy giving Him all the excuses about meaningless things. I'm pretty sure it breaks His heart.  And I imagine He shakes His head in amazement and bewilderment more times than not.

I have been guilty of excuses.  Many, many times.  But you know what? No more. No more offering Him excuses and why something can't be done with me.  No more turning my head, my ears, my eyes, my heart to the hurting.  He has called me to GO.  To Do.  To Be.  Go, do, be...what?  To go as an extension of Him.  Go to the hurting.  Go to the helpless.  Go to the downtrodden. GO to the lost. To DO what He has called every born again believer to do in sharing His heart and His love to this world.  To BE all that He has called me to be.  To BE the light.  To Be His heart.  To BE His arms.  To BE His extension.  To BE Christlike in every way.

So, where do we start?  We start with what we know.  I'm going to start with what I know and what I have learned.  There are so many women out there who struggle with infertility.  There are women out there who have adopted and are facing the same issues I face everyday.  I'm starting there.

How do we start?  We just ask Him to put us in front of the people who need to hear our stories of grace.  We ask Him to open our eyes to see those that are lost in front of us. We ask Him to make us aware of the hurting.

And then? Then we throw excuse out the window.  Then we throw caution to the wind and we GO.  No questions, no excuses.  We go. Relentless obedience, even in the face of difficulty. 

It's time we roll up our pants, push up our sleeves, get down in the muddy messes of peoples lives and get busy being what the church should have been all along....just like Jesus.

I'm ready to go and make a difference in my world for Christ. Are you?

Want a free download of A Dance In the Dark?

I've had so much response from people lately, I'm giving away 10 free ebook downloads of the book! Here's how to enter.... leave me a comment below and tell me why you want the book.  I'll post the winners on Friday!

Have You Seen His Heart Lately?

Today my heart is full and heavy all at the same time.

Our team from church leaves for Africa this afternoon, but I won't be on that plane.  And that breaks my heart.  I absolutely fell head over heels in love with the people in Zimbabwe last year. My time there was life changing.

While my heart is sad I don't get to be there this year, my heart is also pondering all the things God has done in me since my time there last year.

I saw so many new facets of God and His creation while there, but the greatest and probably most life changing that I saw was His heart for people.  My eyes were completely opened to the fact that God doesn't just love America. He didn't just die for Americans. He is filled with compassion and an abundant love for peoples of every tribe, nation and color.  He knows them each by name. Names I can't even pronounce. Names and faces I will never know or see.  He knows them intimately.  He knows them personally.  Before they were ever created He saw their substance, and all their days were written in His book before they ever came to be. (Psalms 139:16)

That just blows my mind. I can't even keep up with my own 3 kids names half the time.  Yet, He knows every hair on our head. He knows us each by name. Wow. 


As I think back on a particular night over there last year, I go back to an evening where we had shared the Jesus film on a big screen out in the middle of the bush in a city called Triangle. People were responding to the invitation at the end to recieve Christ. That's when it hit me.  That's when I realized and grabbed hold of the truth that God so loved the "WORLD".  He LOVES these people. He is filled with compassion for them. He desires intimate relationship with them. He longs to be gracious to them. People who I have no idea who they are, He loves them.

 

 

 



This has really opened my eyes to see that my heart is so far from His. God forgive me. God forgive us that we become so consumed in our own lives that we neglect those whom we DO know, those that we DO see. I don't have to go to Africa to find hurting people. I can walk outside my door and I am surrounded by them. I am surrounded by orphans and widows. I am surrounded by the broken and downtrodden.

So what do I really take away from all this today? I go today and I love the world. I love the people around me. I love the unlovable. I go to the orphans and widows in my personal world and care for them. I go to the poor and helpless and I love them. I become an extension of God's heart to the people in my Jerusalem. I show mercy and love instead of hatred and judging. I go to the highways and byways in my area and I extend the love of Christ. I look to the people in my circle of influence and I share the love of Jesus with them.

My prayer today is that He break our heart with what breaks His. That He gives us eyes to see His people and His creation the way He does. That He gives us a passion for people like He has. And ultimately, that He just transforms me to be more like Him, and much less like me.

Living on Purpose

The look in the picture says it all, huh? One is always smiling perfectly.  One is doing the half smile because he hates the awkwardness of pictures.  And then there's the one who absolutely hates having his picture made. Ever. 

Today was our first day of school. A tad emotional for this mom I must say. It's our first day of high school, our first day of middle school, and our last first day of elementary school for my 5th grader. Time flies.

It seems like yesterday I was just meeting the boys for the first time. Sigh....

I was so amused yesterday as they were enjoying their official last day of summer break.  They were trying to soak up every last minute before it was over.  They probably were more intentional yesterday than they were all summer. They were living every moment on purpose.

Which got me thinking...

They spent all summer just doing this and that, and basically taking summer at a hit and miss kind of attitude. They weren't intentional in what they did, or how they enjoyed it.  They just played and went about their business like summer would last forever. Until yesterday. And then they realized summer was over. So they went scurrying around trying to purposefully capture every moment.

Sounds to me like how we live our Christian lives, doesn't it! We live day to day, never being intentional in what we are doing. We live like whatever we are doing now will go on forever. We fail to live our lives for a purpose or with a purpose. UNTIL...

Until tragedy strikes.
Until our circumstances change.
Until a dream gets crushed.
Until times change.
Until....you fill in the blank.

Then what? We scurry around trying to make the most of things. We are forced to be intentional in what we are doing.

I don't want to live that way. I don't want you to live that way.

What if we lived our lives in such a way that we were intentional about each day. We made it our mission to seek the heart of God and follow HIS plans for the day. We lived our life on purpose and with passion, making the most of every moment, in every circumstance. What would our lives look like?

It's a new year. It's a new day. It's a new season. Let's live intentionally and on purpose. Who knows what we might accomplish for the Kingdom!

Stacy

All My Fountains...

So, I've been a little absent from the blog for a while. Part of it is that I am way too easily distracted and can't find 5 minutes to sit down and actually type.  The other part is the greater reason though.

Have you ever found yourself in a place where what people say to you or about you becomes the driving force of your life?  And I'm not talking about the bad stuff. I'm talking about the praise, the admonition...you know - all the stuff that adds a little kick to your step sometimes.  The bad stuff has  a tendency to do the same thing, but for me, I was at a place where what people were saying was holding more weight and becoming more important to me than what God was actually saying.  Or trying to say.

So I took a break from things.  I stepped back and removed myself from public eye as much as I could.  But it wasn't just my doing. God was leading me down this path. And this path led me straight to a desert.

I've always had bad experiences in the desert times of my life. I always assume I have done some big sin or something and have caused the Lord to withdraw from me.  And while that is the case sometimes - our sins cause us to seperate from God - it was not the case this time.

I don't enjoy being "alone" for the most part.  I'm a people person and like to be surrounded with people. But for this time and this season, He began to pull me away from the crowds and pull me to Himself. He began to show me that I was to find my source of life and fulfillment through Him...NOT people.  I had gotten so caught up in mans words, that I was missing out on what God's words to me were. I had to be at a place where I drew my strength from fountains HE provided in this desert place. He brought me to this place to show me truth and shed some light on my heart.

What' I've come to learn is that the desert can actually be a good place.  And the desert usually comes before the next work God is doing or about to do.

In Exodus 13 we see that God led the Israelites through the desert when they left Egypt.  It was on their way to the Promised Land.  But why the desert? I think I've learned a few things about this place while I've been here. Hoping that sharing what I've learned can help you if you find yourself travelling along this road one day as well.

This desert is dry. But I'm only passing through.  He says not to settle in this place, don't get comfortabe with the surroundings.  It's meant to be a temporary place. I don't unpack everything and settle in.  I may sleep over at stops along the way, but I am never to turn it into my home. That's not what it's meant to be.

I look to Jesus in this place.  I find the fountains that He provides along the way.

It's lonely in the desert. There is no one else around. All other voices have been removed. His is the only voice that needs to be heard. If He doesn't speak, I hear nothing.  The glory from man is removed. It's so dry here that man's words do not bring refreshment. Man's words become like desert sand. He provides an oasis in the midde of the barrenness and dryness.

If I were to become comfortable here, I would settle.  And if I settle, I've missed the point of this place altogether.

My feelings are meaningless here. If I listen to my feelings I become decieved. My feelings may tell me that He has left me. My feelings tell me it's no use.  If I listen I settle for the dryness.  That's not what He desires.

In this desert land, I tell myself keep marching on....

I have to do things to nourish my weary soul. I must stay in His Word, even if there are no feelings to go with it.

He wants to give us life sustaining water in these places. He longs to give us water that takes away our thirst for the natural completely. What He longs to give us becomes like a spring within us.

So I ask these questions....does the desert become a place where, if we allow Him by taking the Water of Life through His Word, it will take away our thirst for anything else? Is the desert the place where He can rid our hearts of clutter, where He shows us HE is the life sustaining water? Is this the place where He removes the thirst within me for man's approval?  I think YES.

Hosea 2:14-16 says...
"I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will transform the valley of trouble into a gateway of hope. When that day comes, you will call Me "My husband" instead of my Master."

He led me into the desert to develop a new intimacy between He and I. He led me into the desert to speak tenderly to my heart. He led me into the desert to draw me away from the world for just a bit.

I obey a master, but I deeply love and have great affection for my husband.  He has led me to the desert to transform my heart to know Him on that kind of intimacy. To move from being just a rule follower, to having deep intimacy with Him alone.

The desert may not be the "hip" place to be.  It may not be comfortable. But when He leads us here and His Presence is with us, it's the ONLY place to be.

So the cry of my heart has become like that of Moses when he was in the desert.
"If You don't personally go with me, don't make me leave this place."  Exodus 33:15

I've determined I'd rather stay with His Presence in the desert than to be without Him in the world.

My Publishing Journey :)

A little over ten years ago I started a journal.  My husband and I had been walking through an extremely difficult time with infertility and it was my way of putting my thoughts down. I wrote down all the things I was learning along the way, all the truths that God was showing me, all the moments of freedom I discovered through Him, just a little bit of everything, actually.  My intent was to one day write a book about all that we were learning through the journey we were on.  Deep inside though, I just figured it was a dream and probably would in no way ever actually come about. So I never saw it becoming a reality, but just a journal of reflections I guess.

Fast forward ten years back to last summer.  I'd never forgotten about that journal, but never really thought about it either. I love to write in general. It's why I started a blog! I just seem to be able to communicate better through written word at times. So last summer I felt a little nudge starting to seep into my spirit about writing that book. I kinda kept putting it off, figuring it was just me dreaming again.  However, I really felt God was sending me constant little reminders and nudges to go forward with it. 

As we entered into October, I was feeling a really strong nudging to pursue writing the book. I finally figured I'd think about it, but was wishing so badly I had that journal from  years ago.  We had started packing up the house to move when we sold our house, and guess what I found in the bottom of a box packed away in my closet?  Yep, it was that journal.  THAT was it for me. I finally submitted to what I felt God was leading me to do and went for it.

During all this time I kept thinking back to a conversation I had with my worship pastor.  We were talking about musical things, but the things he said have just resounded in my spirit since that day. In reference to me playing the drums, he made the comment, "I'd rather you go all out and go for it and go big and have an epic fail than to just play in quiet perfection."  I don't even know if he realized just how powerful that was! It encouraged me not just in music, but it has changed my life.  So in regards to this book, I decided to go for it. I decided to step out of my boat of safety and soar on the wings of faith. This was God's story, afterall, and not mine. Stepping out of the boat was scary, but I'm so glad I did.  He has met me and made the whole process beautiful.

I researched several publishing companies and tried to muddle my way through trying to figure out how to even write and publish a book. I ended up talking with someone Westbow Press who answered all of my questions and encouraged me to finish the book and he would follow up with me after the first of the year.  Now I HAD to write! haha  I kept putting it off though.

November came around and all of my crazy sickness hit and took me out of pretty much everything for a while.  Yet while I wasn't actually writing anything, I was still journaling, and even through the sickness I knew God was giving me things then that were to go in the book.

To make a long story short, I ended up finishing the book in about a month.  All twelve chapters of it. I was amazed at how God was just basically writing through me.  I was writing things I didn't even think I knew! But every word was coming out of pouring myself into His word and allowing it to just speak life into me about all that I was writing about.  I had some late, late nights, that's for sure!

After I settled on the publisher it all started becoming a reality.  I was blessed to have a dear friend edit the book for me, and she was a tremendous blessing.  I gave her that manuscript and knew without a doubt that she was going to bathe it in prayer as she read through it.  She will forever be etched into my heart for all she did.

After this long journey, I'm so excited to say that all is complete.  The book actually went live a couple days ago.  It is absolutely surreal.  To be able to see your very heart and soul put into words and published is above my wildest dreams. I"m so grateful that God has brought this all about in His perfect timing.  I'm so grateful for all He does....period.  He's such a wonderful Daddy.

I don't know what God has planned for this book. My prayer is just that it gets into the hands of whomever needs to read it and be encouraged. I really don't want my fingerprints anywhere on this.  Every bit of it is for Him.  I just put into words the story He was playing of my life.  I hope it encourages you and ministers to you in some way as you read it.

The biggest thing I want people to take away from the book is this: while it may detail my particular story, it does go beyond that.  We all go through difficult times of varying degrees, and we are all tempted to withdraw our worship when we do. I hope that my story can be a glimmer of hope that even in hard times, when we choose to continue honoring Him and giving Him our very best worship, He shows up and changes our lives.  We may never get answers to our prayers the way we think we should, but when our eyes are fixated on the only One who is worthy, our perspectives change.  When we can enter His presence and choose to dance with Him when life is going wrong, it will transform us from the inside out.

That's what He did for me, and that's what this book is about.  If you get a chance to read it, I'd love to hear your comments. 

Now, if you want to get the book, you have a few options.  Coldwater Books will be hosting a "Meet the Author" event within the next few weeks and I'll have copies there.  You'll also be able to purchase them from the bookstore after that.  The book is also available online through my publishing company, as well as Amazon and Barnes and Noble.  To purchase the book online, go to the "Books" tab on this blog and use any of the links provided there.  An ebook version will be released in the next week or two as well for all you kindle and nook readers. :)

Thanks for joining me on the journey.  I hope you are blessed along the way, friends!

Much love to you all,
Stacy

Remember His Faithfulness

I just love when God uses His Word to speak to my heart.  I love when He takes my current circumstances and begins to weave stories from the bible through them so that they are relevant to what I'm going through today.  Really, I'm just so grateful that He speaks to us.

I've been reading in Deuteronomy lately.  Today I was reading in chapter 7 and He just began to show me some truths through what He was speaking to the Israelites as they were just on the verge of entering the Promised Land.  He had shown them places they would go in and occupy. He was instructing them to completely destroy all the nations that He handed over to them.  He wasn't telling them that it was going to be an easy, no-work-required task of inheriting the promise, but rather He was preparing them that they would have to fight for it. Yet even though they would have to fight, He assured them that He would be with them, He would go before them, He would deliver them from their enemies that stood in their way.

He promised them, He assured them of victory when they were obedient to what He said, and what He LED them to do.

“When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are about to enter and occupy, he will clear away many nations ahead of you: the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. These seven nations are greater and more numerous than you. When the Lord your God hands these nations over to you and you conquer them, you must completely destroy them."  v.1-2

“You must destroy all the nations the Lord your God hands over to you. Show them no mercy, and do not worship their gods, or they will trap you."  v.16

So we see that He has already promised them victory because He will hand the nations over to the Israelites.  All they must do at this point is be obedient.  They must go in and conquer and completely destroy them.

Why wouldn't He just GIVE them the Promised Land instead of having them go up against the nations that were occupying it?  What was the point of the battles?  I believe it was to continue showing them again and again His faithfulness.  With each victory and each enemy destroyed, they would be able see once again that God was true to His Word.  And each victory could have the potential to be yet another stone in the wall of their faith.  Stepping stones, building blocks, you name it.  Each battle provided an opportunity for God to give them a victory, and each victory showed the power and faithfulness of God.

He even used the previous battles to help strengthen their faith as they prepared for the new battles before them...

"Perhaps you will think to yourselves, ‘How can we ever conquer these nations that are so much more powerful than we are?’ But don’t be afraid of them! Just remember what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all the land of Egypt. Remember the great terrors the Lord your God sent against them. You saw it all with your own eyes! And remember the miraculous signs and wonders, and the strong hand and powerful arm with which he brought you out of Egypt. The Lord your God will use this same power against all the people you fear. And then the Lord your God will send terror to drive out the few survivors still hiding from you!
“No, do not be afraid of those nations, for the Lord your God is among you, and he is a great and awesome God.  The Lord your God will drive those nations out ahead of you little by little. You will not clear them away all at once, otherwise the wild animals would multiply too quickly for you.  But the Lord your God will hand them over to you. He will throw them into complete confusion until they are destroyed.  He will put their kings in your power, and you will erase their names from the face of the earth. No one will be able to stand against you, and you will destroy them all."  v. 17-24

And this is where I have been camped out at today.

He was reminding them of all He had done for them up to this point.  They had seen His power at work.  They had seen miraculous signs and wonders in their deliverance out of Egypt and in their crossing the Red Sea.  They had seen the mighty arm of God at work with their eyes.  Now He was telling them to remember it.  And He tells us the same thing.

When we are faced with new enemies, new challenges, and new trials, we must go back to those places where we have seen Him at work in our lives before.  If He was faithful yesterday, He is still faithful today.  If He had the power to heal you yesterday, He still has the power to heal you today.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever! (Hebrews 13:8)  He doesn't change.  His power doesn't diminish over time.  He was, He is, and He will be.

We MUST remember what He's done for us.  We must remember how He has provided for our needs, how He has carried us through difficult times, how He has answered our prayers, how He has came through every single time.  That's why it's so important to build altars in our lives every time we see the hand of God move.  Every time He reveals Himself to us and we see Him, we build an altar.  We mark those times in our lives when He shows us another part of Him, whether it's His strength, His healing, His power, His comfort, His provision, His mercy, His forgiveness, His love...you get the picture.  Etch them into your heart, build your altar at those places so you can always go back to them and remember that you saw the heart and the hand of your God.

I love how He says, He will use the same power that He used when He brought you out of Egypt.  He will use that same power against the people you fear.  What more do we need to know?  He is still able to deliver you from bondage, He is still able to part the Red Sea, He is still able to provide manna in the wilderness times, He is still able to drive out your enemies.  HE IS ABLE!

So here's where I'm at today...what is it that I'm facing right now that I need to go back and revisit His faithfulness so that my heart can be strengthened and encouraged and my faith can be made stronger?  I have seen Him move in my life in the past, so what do I need to remember about Him when I'm facing the new enemies today?

And I encourage you to ask yourself the same questions.  And above all, ask our Father to reveal and bring you back to those times when He has delivered and sustained you in all things that you needed.  Ask Him to bring back to your mind all the times when He has shown Himself strong in your life.  Then, declare His faithfulness, declare His goodness, declare that He is able to meet whatever challenge or enemy you are facing today.  The best place you can start is in His Word.  He will reveal Himself through the pages of His Word to show you He is the Great I AM in all things for your life.

Above all, don't look at new battles as hinderances.  Look at the battles before you as just another place you will be able to stand and see the hand of your God move on your behalf.  Trust in His Word, lean on His promises, and REMEMBER all He has done.

Show Me How to Die

I haven't blogged much lately.  For several reasons, but one being that I have tried to just take time away to reflect.  He has done so much in my life these last few months, but thankfully He's not finished with me yet!  Can't say I always enjoy the process of growth and purging, but I love the transformation I see take place when He's finished working on a certain area of my life. 

There's one word that's been at the center of His activity in my life lately.  Death.  It's a word I don't particulary like to say or experience, but it's become one that I am hearing over and over in my spirit in regards to what is happening in my life.  Death has taken on a new meaning for me.  Not physical death, but death in terms of dying to myself and allowing Him to replace my life and my self with more of Him.  It's that kind of death.

I never realized how much junk I had lurking in my heart.  I consider myself a good girl.  I don't do the gross and horrid sins that we put so much emphasis on in the church.  I regularly attend church.  I'm a just a good ole Christian girl.  But in the last few weeks He has begun to shine a light into the depths of my heart and I'm seeing that while I may be a "good" person, I have much to let the Holy Spirit do in my life.

As I've started studying these things, I notice one main theme in His word regarding it.  He addresses the roots of sin in our hearts.  While He hates sin, what we do is just a result of roots that we harbor in our lives.  He addresses some specific things here....

These six things the Lord hates, indeed, seven are an abomination to Him:

     A proud look [the spirit that makes one overestimate himself and underestimate others], a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,

     A heart that manufactures wicked thoughts and plans, feet that are swift in running to evil,

     A false witness who breathes out lies [even under oath], and he who sows discord among his brethren.

Proverbs 6:16-19 Amplified

Can He get more clear than this?  Wow.

He seems to have taken a spotlight lately and began to reveal to me some things I had hidden within my heart and had filed away as those things that aren't really "that" bad.  You know, things like.... pride, fear, selfishness, greed, etc...  THOSE things.  I've never seen them the way He looks at them so clearly as I do now.  And can I just say that it makes me sick to see these things operating in my life?  I see how they cause me to withhold a large percentage of my heart to abandoned faith.  I see how they cause me to live a life less than what I could be living because these things hinder me from walking in purity before Him.

The worst part?  I see how these things are in His eyes.  I see how they appear to Him.  And they aren't pretty.  As a matter of fact, they pretty much stink.  They don't produce a fragrant aroma around His throne.  Quite the opposite actually.  They create a stinch.  And the pride?  Well the pride is just the worst smelling thing ever to Him.  But to know that He hates these things and they operate in my life? I can only fall upon His grace and mercy and run to His mercy seat to find forgiveness and the strength to overcome.  It's nothing I can do.  He has already paid the price with His life.  He does the work of transformation.    Our part?  Well, we have to die.  We have to surrender.

I want a holy visitation from His Spirit.  I want to be ready when He comes to visit His church.  I want to be a pure vessal that He can pour in and through to others.  I don't want to be a 80/20 christian.  I can give Him 80% wholeheartedly, but that other 20 belongs to me.  You know what you get when you mix hot and cold together don't you?  Lukewarm.  And do you know how He feels about lukewarm christianity?  He spews it out of His mouth.  I don't know about you, but that's not the kind of offering I want to give Him.  One that makes Him vomit it out of His mouth?  But that's what a lukewarm heart will do.  I don't want any lukewarm water lurking in my heart.  I want my heart set ablaze for Him in all things.

He's the creator of the universe.  He spoke and the world was formed.  He breathed and stars and galaxies went into place.  Those same stars and galaxies are all singing praises to their Creator constantly.  So who am I, this piece of clay, to think I am of such great significance to withhold not only my praise from Him, but to also withhold even the smallest part of my heart?  He is worthy of my everything.  Not my partial.  He's worth my all.

So, here we are.  My prayer?  Show me how to die.   Less of me, more of Him.  I must decrease, He must increase.  My utmost for His highest.  All of me for all of Him.   

Caught In the Middle

A good friend of mine introduced me to a new song today. It's apparently been around for a while because it was an older Casting Crowns song.  Just as the blog title reads, that is the name of the song as well.  Before I post the lyrics to this song, let me give you a glimpse of where my heart is today.

Earlier today I was having a conversation about this same thing with another friend altogether.  We were talking about how we are always so eager and willing to say yes to God when it is about something big.  Like, something that involves our grand destiny.  He asks us to go to Africa and we say yes because it's in our hearts and we want to do something big for Him.  He asks us to commit our lives to full time ministry and we say yes because it's big and its' what our hearts have always wanted to do since the first time we felt His call on our lives.  So we say yes and we then naturally feel we have our yes on the table when it comes to God.  We say we are radically obedient because we said yes in the big things.

But as I've started thinking about this, it's not the big yeses that make us radical in our obedience.  It's all the little yeses along the way.  You know, the saying yes to Him asking us to walk in forgiveness.  The saying yes to Him asking us to stop and help the wounded traveler like the good Samaritan.  The saying yes to what seems like an interruption to where we are going, but in all reality is the reason we are going where we are.  The saying yes to putting comfort and selfishness aside and allowing ourselves to hurt with the hurting and sympathize with the broken and those in need. 

It's so easy to look past the need of others.  Especially when they aren't necessarily close to us or personally in our lives.  And even when they are a part of our lives, it's so easy to overlook those hurting around us so that we don't have to get dirty and mixed up in their problems.  And we totally miss the point and purpose of why Jesus called us.  We missed the reason of why He came to us in the first place. 

I think about the people I met in Africa.  Those children who were starving and who were orphans. Those people who had nothing.  As time and distance came between us, it became easier and easier to forget what we saw there.  To forget the needs of those we met.  You know the saying, 'out of sight, out of mind'.  Yeah, that's how it is. 

But what if it's not time and distance that caused the lack of identifying with them. What if it's simply that our hearts grow cold because we quit saying yes along the way.  What if our surrender turns cold because we begin to neglect the gentle call of His voice in all things big and small.  We end up wasting time in our preparation stages because we get so focused on the big things He has called us to do, and when the time comes for Him to bring about our destinies, we aren't ready because we hindered His plans by our lack of total surrender in all things.

It breaks my heart to think of all the missed opportunities I've had before me but failed to notice or respond to because my lips said yes but my heart said no.  I don't want to be "that" person.  I don't want average and mundane to ever be able to be used to describe my faith or my obedience when it comes to Father.  I want to be the one who jumps out of the boat and goes running to Him in the middle of the storm instead of having to be persuaded.

I am so grateful for His grace though.  I'm learning that His grace far exceeds my lack of obedience.  His grace far exceeds anything I can even comprehend.  I don't want to lose the sense of awe at His marvelous gift of grace towards my life.  I don't want to expect Him to bestow grace upon me regardless of how I act.  He doesn't have to bestow mercy and grace upon me, but yet, He chooses to because of His indescribable love for me.  When we come to a place where we expect Him to give us grace, we've moved from walking humbly before our God into pride and nothing will cause His presence to flee from our lives than rotten pride.  He resists the proud, but He gives more grace to the humble.  God keep our hearts humble before You.

I'll close with the lyrics to this song.  If you're like me, I relate so much to these words and I don't want them to define me.  I don't want 2012 to be one of those "caught in the middle" years.  I want it to be radical faith, radical obedience, radical abandonment to ALL of His Word.  All of me for all of Him.  My best for His glory.  My utmost for His highest in all things.

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
                Caught In The Middle,  Casting Crowns