So years ago when I was dealing with infertility, it took a toll on me spiritually. I was so hurt and angry and sad and just down right depressed. It was all I wanted in this world. Just to have a baby. But it just wasn't happening. Through my journey, I ended up at a scary place in my walk in with Christ. There came a point that I found myself at the edge of a very dangerous cliff. This cliff was a place where I could jump and turn my back on Christ, or could I turn around and go back to what I knew to be truth about Him. I have to be honest...I looked over the edge. I thought seriously about jumping. My heart had so many questions and was so hurt. I had allowed the enemy of my soul to sneak in and whisper lies to my heart about the goodness of my Father. And the sad thing...I was believing them.
So I stood on the edge of that cliff, pondering what it would mean to jump. What I would really lose if I did. What would really be the consequences. And I looked down into a bottomless pit beneath me. Pitch black, and bottomless. But after looking for some time, I decided to turn around and begin the journey back. The journey that took me back to Him, to His truth, to His embrace.
When I began that journey back, I wasn't alone. He came running to meet me. Just like Father....to come running after us when He sees us on that journey back home to Him. And through that He transformed my heart completely.
Well this leads me to the current time in my life. I have been on a passionate pursuit of Him for some time now. Since January I have put on my spiritual running shoes and started running after Him. And it has just progressed to such a degree that the same high I used to get while doing a physical run, I now get when I am running with Him each day. I am obsessed with Him. With finding His heart.
For the last few weeks my heart has really been stirred. Stirred to a point that it is new territory for me spiritually. I've never walked in such a way with my Father. And now I find myself at another cliff in my life. More like the grand canyon type of cliffs this time. And what I see when I look out is the sky and a vast sea of opportunities in Him. And this time, HE is calling me to jump. Not just jump, but to take a running leap and fly with Him. To soar on the wings of Him, to fly so high I can feel the wind in the trees, to see leaves dancing. To take a running leap and not knowing where the wind of His Spirit will take me, but to just trust His ability to get me there. And so I did it. With no hesitation, I have taken off running as hard as I could, and I leaped off the edge of this cliff. And let me tell you, I'm flying.
Where am I flying? Well, apparently my Father has seen fit to carry me to a place I never dreamed. I'm leaving for Africa in less than two weeks. I have no idea what to expect. I only want to go into this trip with the expectation that He has brought me to this place for His kingdom purposes. It is certainly not of my doing. It's all Him.
So, I'm cutting loose every tie I have with the things of this world. I'm leaving them all behind. Anything that weighs me down or keeps me from leaping off the edge, I am counting as loss. I count everything as loss compared to the awesome priviledge of knowing Him, of flying with Him. I want to soar. I want to experience everything He has destined for my life. I want to be radical in how I live my life for Him. What others may think is crazy or insane or a waste, I want to give to Him. It's His anyway. My life, your life, everything. It all belongs to Abba.
Let's fly...
Stacy
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