Milestones and Altars

I've been thinking alot about this past year.  I'd have to say, 2011 was one of the worst years of my life, but it was also the greatest year of my life.  I've never seen the hand of God at work so much in my life personally.  It's always cool to watch Him doing stuff in other peoples lives, but when He brings it to you personally, it will just shake you to the core.

My year started out on a 21 day fast.  It was incredible.  I learned the value of disconnecting from the world and connecting myself to God through prayer and fasting.  It was one of the most intense and spiritually defining times of my life.  It became one of those altars in my life that I'll always go back to and remember meeting with God at this place and time in my life.

The rest of my year was no different.  If I had to give this year a name, it would most definitely be "Milestones and Altars", just as the blog title says.  I say that, because my whole entire year was filled with one of these.  The fast was both.  I had never done a 21 day fast before, so it was a milestone.  But I had also never met with God like that either, and therefore it became an altar, and it was truly a meeting place with Him.

During our Kingdom Advancement Conference at our church I had an altar moment when I wholeheartedly put my "yes" on the table with God.  Whatever, whenever, whomever, however, I say Yes.  I want all that He has for me and I want to walk every path He has laid out for me, no matter where the journey's lead me.  I want to spend my life pursuing Him.  Afterall, is a life that is not spent wholeheartedly pursuing Him really a life at all?  I want to waste my life knowing Him in everything.  All the depths and riches of Him, I want to spend my life searching them out.  I say Yes.

Reading "Radical" changed my life this year.   I realized that Christianity was meant to be much more than what we think. It was meant to be lived radically. Yeah, you can live your life as a Christ follower and play it safe. You can stay in the boat when something, Someone, calls you to come out of the boat in the most extreme of circumstances. You can live your Christian life following all the do's and don'ts that you've been taught all your life. You can settle for ordinary and nothing out of the box. You can sit back and watch others be "extreme" or "free spirited" in their faith and think "that's just not me". But can I tell you something? You're missing out. Jesus didn't endure a cross for you to live casually. He didn't give up His life through a cruel means of torture for you to hold on to yours. He didn't live His life as an example for you to think it was just good teachings. On the contrary, He did everything He did so we would have an example to follow, a compass for how to navigate life....His way. And that's what Radical did for me. It caused me to examine my walk, in great detail, to see just how committed I was....in every area. It fueled the desire in my heart to go on a missions trip. It ignited a holy fire within me.  It brought on another altar with God.  Another place of meeting.

I completed my first ever prayer journal this year.  I have always started one and would eventually jump on the spiritual roller coaster that we fall prey to sometimes, and I would never finish it. I had mounds of unfinished prayer journals.  I'd always just start a new one when I got back on track.  Except for this year.  I started it and finished it.  MAJOR milestone, but also a sweet  altar.

In August I was blessed to go on my first ever missions trip. We went to Zimbabwe, Africa, and I have to say, I fell in love. My heart was changed by what I saw there. My life was put into perspective. I came to a personal realization that "For God so loved the WORLD that He gave His own Son..." I saw Jesus in the faces of beautiful little African children who had absolutely nothing. I saw people who lived in conditions I could never dream of carry a smile on their face simply because they had Jesus, and they knew He was all they needed. I took God out of my box in Africa, for it was here that I come to understand He truly doesn't fit inside of my neat little box. He's much bigger than I ever give Him credit for. And the way He operates is so outside of my understanding. Trying to keep God in a box is kinda like keeping a male lion in popcorn bucket. He won't fit. He wasn't made to. And God wasn't made for the little boxes we create and put Him in either. He is the Potter, WE are the clay. If anyone was going to be in a box it would be us, but thankfully He doesn't work that way either.  Yep, another altar for me.

Septemeber held quite the milestone.  I turned the big 40 this year.  Yes, big milestone.  In October we sold our house and moved to a quaint little 3 bedroom apartment while we build.  Milestone.

November would have to be the month I say that holds the greatest altar of all though.  It was November 9, 2011,  that I personally met Jehovah Raphi, the God Who heals.  That story is detailed a little more in a previous blog post, but I'll just say this....I still go back to that day alot.  I remember specific moments in great detail.  I can almost smell certain things from the day.  I relive that day alot in my mind.  Sometimes something will happen that will trigger a memory from the day and it never fails to make me sit back and just stop and reflect on the fact that I saw God do an actual miracle.  And it wasn't for someone else.  It wasn't for someone I didn't know.  It was for me.  ME.  I met Jehovah Raphi that day and I made an altar in that place so that I never forget the power, and grace, and mercy, and completely unfailing love of my God that was shown to me. 

The first of December I had major surgery.  A total hysterectomy to be exact.  It has been life altering as well in a different way! It was a kind of milestone, I guess, but it is becoming another altar along the way.  That's for a blog post later :-)

Today is the last day of 2011.  For the first time in my life, I have completed reading through the entire bible this year.  And I can't wait to start all over again tomorrow.  This has also been both a milestone and an altar.  Through reading through God's Word, I have come to know Him like I haven't before.  I've learned things about Him.  I've discovered His ways are not like mine.  I've discovered that He was....He is....He will be.  I discovered I Am.


Here's what I'm taking into 2012: I didn't do everything right last year.  I won't do everything right next year.  What I have to focus on is simple really...obedience.  I need to focus on being in obedient in the small things He places before me.  I want ears to hear, eyes to see, a heart that is always open to His leading, and lips that speak His truth with conviction.  I'm so thankful that He is a Father Who makes all things new.  He cleanses our past and gives us a new future.  No matter what we did in the past, nothing is so big or horrible that His grace, mercy and forgiveness cannot cleanse and make new.  He washes, He restores, and He gives us a future.

I'm so grateful for 2011.  I am expectant for 2012.  And not just expectant, I'm packing my bags and setting sail to embark on the discovery of a lifetime.  This year I am going after His heart....the deepest parts of His heart. I want to know HIM.  Every part of Him that I can find and that He will reveal. 

Thanks for journeying with me in 2011.  Lets all set sail together in 2012.  Happy New Year!

Stacy

What is Worship?

With Thanksgiving fast approaching this week, it seems an attitude of thankfulness is all around.  I've seen so many posts on facebook since the start of November, all declaring some they are thankful for on each day of the month.  I love it! 

I have lots to be thankful for in my own life.  It goes without saying, I am very thankful for my family...for my boys...my amazing husband.  I'm thankful for my job  I'm thankful for my friends.  Not just my friends....I'm thankful for my God fearing, Jesus loving, power praying friends in my life.  I'm thankful for a beautiful and amazing church family.  I'm thankful for freedom.  I'm thankful for the little things in life too/  You know, things like....cool breezes on a hot summer day....breathtaking fall colors as the seasons change...drenching spring rains that cause dead and dried up things to live again...a baby's giggle....a chids smile.  And lets not forget the things like.....warm, gooey brownies and a cold glass of milk....reese cups of any kind...and chocolate.  Yes, I'm really thankful for chocolate.

While all of these things are great and good, I'm thankful for other things that go above and beyond all of this.  I'm thankful that circumstances of my life allow me to experience God in different ways.  I'm thankful that God loves me enough to give me the opportunity to find Him in the most unexpected places.  I'm thankful that I've come to know God in new ways recently, like Healer, Defender, and Daddy.  I'm thankful that even when I'm most unlovable in myself, He still loves me just the same.  I'm thankful that He is unchanging.  I'm thankful that He is never ending.  I'm thankful that He operates in redemption.  I'm thankful that He gives me more grace than I deserve.  I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning.  I'm thankful He pursued me and drew me to Himself, and in my search for Him, He adopted me and brought me into His eternal family.  I'm thankful for Jesus and the sacrifice He made on my behalf.

Max Lucado says, "worship is the THANK YOU that cannot be silenced."  Do you know what I have just done by declaring my thankful heart?  I've just experienced worship.  Do you know why?  Because anytime I start reflecting on Who God is, or What He's done for me, it inspires worship within my heart.  I begin to become full of praises because of how good He has been to me.  I enter into a private moment with Him, where my heart is consumed with passion for Him....where my gaze is completely occupied with His gaze.  When I begin to thank Him, I begin to worship.  And as I worship, my heart is changed.

I wonder, what would our lives look like if we walked in a state of thankfulness?  What if we walked in a place of "I don't care what my circumstances are or situation I find myself in, I will thank my God continually" way of life?   1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to "be thankful in ALL circumstances."  That doesn't mean we thank God only when life is good.  No, quite the contrary.  It means we thank Him even when we are in battle.  It means we thank Him even when life is hard. It means we thank Him even when our circumstances don't give us a reason to be thankful.  It means we thank Him in ALL things.  Remember, thanking Him becomes worship, and when we worship our perspective changes.  And when our perspective changes, we walk in freedom.  Freedom from being bound by things of this world, whether they be emotions or material.  Our gaze is redirected to His gaze through our worship and we begin to lay aside every weight and anything that trips us up or hinders us from walking along the paths of righteousness with Him. 

And to think, it all starts with a thankful heart.  So,as Thanksgiving approaches, find some time to just sit with Him.  And as you are there, begin to meditate and speak out all that you are thankful for from Father.  Remember His goodness.  Remember His faithfulness.  And allow your grateful heart to turn into a moment of worship. Then develop a thankful heart within you and allow it turn your life into a life that sweetly becomes one who lives life on your knees in a state of worship.  A life found competely and totally immersed, and hidden in Him.

Let's live thankfully...
Stacy

The Sound of His Great Name...

"The whole earth is filled with awe at Your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, You inspire songs of praise."
Psalm 65:8

If you would've asked me a few months ago if I believed that Jesus heals, I would've said yes.  With complete assurance in my heart, it would've been yes.  Not because I've had it happen to me personally, but because His word assures me it is possible.  So I would've said yes based on that fact alone.  Now, fast forward to today.  If you ask me that same question, I will wholeheartedly declare a resounding YES, because not only does His word assure me of it, but I have now seen His word in action in my life personally.  I have been a recipient of His touch.  And let me just tell you, its one thing to know it based off of reading His word and hearing stories from other people.  It's a completely different thing to know it based off a personal experience of it.  And THAT my friends, is the inspiration for this blog tonight.

For the past several weeks I have been battling an extremely intense illness.  To make a long story short, I'll just give you the cliff notes.  I was sent to UAB in Birmingham this past Wednesday for what was thought to be a hepatic liver abscess.  Doctors found a lesion on my liver that instigated several imaging scans and with my symptoms continuing to worsen by the day, they felt a transfer to UAB where people experienced in infectious disease could do a biopsy and treat me would be the best possible solution.  No one in our area was experienced with it, and so off we went.

When we left that day, I have to admit, I was scared.  We were faced with the uncertainty of what was going on, with an uncertainty of what was going to happen.  My eyes were clouded by the fog of my current circumstances.  I knew God was with me, but still my heart began to fear.  However, I belong to a faithful God, and He knew what my heart needed, exactly when it needed it.  And so after getting the news that I was being transferred and admitted to UAB, I began sending out messages to everyone I knew.  My church met with us and prayed over me before we left.  Everyone I know began praying and calling on other people to pray.  Word spread quickly and before I knew it, I was surrounded by an army of believers, locked arm in arm, crying out to God on my behalf. 

I don't know about you, but I've never walked through anything like this that required such faith and prayer.  Up until this point in my life, I had never battled serious physical illness, so I really didn't know how to walk in this.  But as people began to pray, things began to change.  My heart was encouraged and strengthened.  And before we left for Birmingham, my husband and I both agreed, we weren't going to Birmingham for my healing, we were going to bring glory to God.  We were going to make much of Jesus through this.  If I was healed in the process, great.  If I wasn't, that was ok too.  We knew God was in this and we trusted Him to lead us through.  And He didn't leave my side the entire time.

There were moments as I lay in the hospital bed that as I closed my eyes, I could sense Him standing at the foot of my bed, just smiling over me.  Like any good dad would do for his kid.  Here stood my Dad, standing at the foot of my bed, smiling over me, giving me the constant assurance that He would never leave my side.  And He never did.  His presence filled my room every moment I was there.  My phone would constantly be going off with texts and messages coming through of people telling me there were praying and just encouraging me in my faith.  When I say it was an army, I'm not kidding.  I saw the army suit up and go to war on my behalf.  THAT is humbling. 

A few days prior to this, I saw a movie about war.  It was about Sparta and a group of soldiers who were defening Sparta.  They were fierce soldiers, who marched into battle with no fear, but always arm to arm in battle.  It was no coincidence I saw this movie when I did.  Because little did I know I was about to experience an army of believers suit up on my behalf and push back the enemy who was coming against me.  And that is exactly what happened.  People I knew, people I didn't know, all on their knees, crying out to God, swords drawn, shields raised, running onto the battlefield for ME.  I'm still in complete amazement by it.

Well, I'm happy to say, it was a battle well fought.  I was admitted on Wednesday and Thursday late afternoon my doctors came into the hospital room and told me this..."you came in with all the signs and symptoms of a hepatic liver abscess.  Yet now your blood work shows nothing abnormal.  Our radiologists have looked at all your scans and imaging, and they believe this spot on your liver to be just a benign hemangioma. Your liver is normal and healthy."  And shortly after I was released from the hospital.

In the course of my stay I began to continuously improve.  The doctors had done nothing.  I had recieved no medicines.  Nothing.  And yet I was improving.  The pain was subsiding, I was coming back to life.  My symptoms began disappearing.  Thursday morning a friend of mine had sent me a post on facebook that said this...
   "From my devotion this morning..."He generally waits to send His help until the time of our       greatest need, so that His hand will be plainly seen in our deliverance. He chooses this method so we will not trust anything that we may see or feel, as we are so prone to do, but will place our trust solely on His Word." 

The doctors had even come into my room and told me they weren't doing anything for me.  Boy were they right! haha  THEY weren't doing anything. It was completely the hand of my God at work, in response to the prayers being offered on my behalf.  My army that had suited up to go into battle for me, they were pushing back the enemy with the power of God at work through them.

This was a place I had never been.  I've had to trust God before on things, but never like this.  I knew He would be with me.  I just wanted to glorify Him through it however I could.  And I wanted the whole thing to make much of His Name regardless of the outcome.  And assuredly, it has indeed. 

Wednesday morning I wasn't sure what would happen with me I was so sick.  I had lost about 8 pounds in less than a week.  I was sick.  Really sick. And yet by Thursday night I was on my way home because God had touched my life and made me whole. 

My faith was tested for sure.  I had to step out when I didn't see anything to step onto and just trust His hand to guide me through this.  I found alot of things during this dark moment.  Several treasures found hidden in these darkest moments that I would not otherwise have found.  Kinda like Peter.  You have to step out of the boat and into the stormy waves to learn that you can, in fact, walk on the waves of adversity when you fix your eyes on the One Who can stands in the midst of the chaos and summons you to come and experience Him like never before.  But as long as you stay in the boat, you'll never learn that miracles await those who walk by faith.  Is it scary?  Yes, when you only look around and see the chaos and stormy waves on all sides.  But, when we step out, and our gaze become fixated on Him, the waves of adversity disappear, you don't care where you're next step will be because you're walking on the certainty of the One Who has reached for you.  You walk with the assurance that He will be the ground beneath your feet.

I also found healing through this dark moment.  It is indeed a treasure.  I would  not know healing if I didn't walk through a time of needing to be healed.  I would not know Jesus as my Healer any other way.  But now, I can sing with a confident assurance, "I believe You're my healer, I believe You are all I need..."  Before all of this, I sang that song based on a head knowledge really.  I believed that He healed.  But now?  Now I will sing that song with it permanently etched into my heart because now I KNOW Him as a Healer.  And I'd go through months of being sick to find it out all over again.

The bottom line in all of this craziness?  It's ALL worth it friends.  Every trial we go through.  Every dark night we encounter.  They're all worth it when we find Him in the midst of it.  Dark times can be scary, but you can always rest assured of one certain thing....morning WILL come.  The sun WILL rise.  ALWAYS.

Before I finish this post, let me say thank you to all of you who stood with me and prayed on my behalf. I'll never have the words to adequately say thanks. But my life has been changed by the love and encouragement I have recieved from so many people. It is humbling. It is absolutley amazing. And I love each one of you for it. And rest assured, I am asking my Father to return to each of you that prayed, the same blessing that was bestowed upon me in that hospital room.

I posted a Psalm 65:8 at the beginning of this blog post.  It just so happens that my room number in the hospital was 658.  So I looked it up in the bible and found this verse.  It was quite appropriate.  So appropriate, in fact, that I'll write it here again for you....
  
"The whole earth is filled with awe at Your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, You inspire songs of praise."
Psalm 65:8

He is a mighty God.  He is a Healer.  His name is Jesus.  He has the power to do the impossible my friend.  Throughout this journey, He has indeed inspired many songs of praise.  His hand has moved on my behalf, and because of it, I have a facebook page that is lit up with nothing but songs of praise to my Jesus.  Post after post after post, all declaring the greatness of my God.  So yeah, this whole sickness...was it worth it?  Absolutely.  Because my God was glorified through it and at the end of the day, His great Name has inpsired many, many songs of praise. 

I'll close with a few of the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, which, by the way, now holds even greater meaning for my life.  It's "Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant.  May these words take root in your soul and may you find all the treasures your heart needs found in the dark times of your soul as well. 
      All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name
     Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name
    The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of Your great name
    Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name
    Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
    You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name
    Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty
   My savior, Defender, You are My King

I love you all from the bottom of my heart,
Stacy

Hidden Treasures

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.  Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."  2 Corinthians 4:8-10

So it's after midnight.  I should really be sleeping.  My body tells me to.  But my mind just isn't having it tonight.  So I get up and Father leads me to actually a different verse in 2 Corinthians 4 than the first verse I just posted...verses16-18....
"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." 

You know, I don't know about you, but I kinda like the whole "mountain top" spiritual times.  The times when we are winning battle after battle.  When Dad is speaking constantly and we are learning, growing, being changed from the inside out.  When we see Him moving in our lives, through our lives.  I really, really like those times in my life.  Alot.  It's those crazy valleys that just get me everytime.

You know the valleys, those times when all hell seems to break lose against you.  When the enemy of your soul unleashes an all out attack on everything about you...your health, your strength, your witness, your life, your heart, your everything.  When he is on a mission to destroy you.  Period.  THOSE kind of valleys.

So I start reading all of this about not giving up.  About how what we are going through now is temporary.  Did you catch that?  TEMPORARY.  That means, according to Websters, "lasting for a LIMITED time."    Limited means "confined with limits; restricted."  Are you getting this?  It means, what we are going through now is not ALWAYS.  It's temporary.  It's like a limited edition...only here for a short period of time.  Now, I know, short period of time can seem like forever when you're in the midst of it.  But in the scope of eternity, it's short.  Trust me on this.

I love how those verses just ooze hope within them.  I love how we find things "unseen" in our valleys.  In our darkest moments really.  It's what I like to call hidden treasures.  Those things that we can only find in the dark times of our lives.  It's in the darkest times of our lives that we find out what faith in Him truly is.  It's in dark times that we find out how good He is, even when life doesn't always agree.  It's in dark times that we learn the value of pressing through, seeking His face and finding His heart.  For THAT, my friend, is the greatest treasure of all.  When we find His heart through the dark valleys, we have found our pearl of great price.  And sometimes those great pearls come at the expense of our comforts.  They come when we are the weakest.  But they DO come...when we are seeking Him through it.

Verses 8-10 give me even greater hope.  Battles may get intense.  They always do.  There's always blood shed in war.  There are casualties.  There are injuries and wounds inflicted from enemy fire.  There are times when the soldiers grow weak and tired and weary.  There are times when daylight never shines because the enemy fire is intense and keeps the sun hidden by all the artillery being unleashed, by all the smoke from the fire.  BUT, here's where we find hope....we may be pressed in on every side by enemy fire...but we aren't crushed.  We may be filled with uncertainty and facing difficulties in our lives by what we are going through, but it does not have to drive us to despair.  We may be hunted down day and night by our enemy...but we are NEVER abandoned by our great and mighty Warrior...Father God.   We may get knocked down...ALOT...but it does not destroy us.  We get back up.  Why?  Because greater is He Who lives in us, than our enemy who lives in the world.

Bottom line...HE is stronger.  He is able.  And He fights for us.  He is our great Defender. 

I write all of this tonight with a heart that is screaming...."fill me with THIS hope in the midst of battle".  To stand on the battleground and lean on, rely on the fact that never once will He ever leave us in the battle.  He gives us the weapons to use to fight our enemy, and then He gives us the strength and wisdom to fight according to His ways, not ours.  Oh, and one more thing...He will Always come through.

I'll leave you with this thought tonight.  It's an old song that my heart is singing as I write this....

   "Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
     Look full in His wonderful face;
     And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
     In the light of His glory and grace."

Search for your hidden treasures friend.  They are treasures waiting to be found that are hidden in Him.  And to find them, you must seek Him to find HIM. 

Happy hunting....
~Stacy

Relentless...

Websters defines Relentless as "that does not relent; unyieldingly severe, strict, or harsh; unrelenting: "  It means to be "rigid, unbending, obdurate, adamant, unyielding." 


My heart is on a road I've never really been down before like this.  I mean, I've loved Jesus and purused Him, but I've just seen something in Him in the last few months that has altered me.  Altered my perceptions of life.  Altered my perceptions of being a Christ follower.  Altered my perceptions of the battle we are involved in.  Altered my perceptions of HIM.


The last several months have brought on much craziness in our lives.  From issues we are dealing with in our children, to this crazy, amazing trip across the world to Africa, to selling our house, to moving, to.....there is a long list of things I could keep naming.  Bottom line, in the midst of it all, there has been a battle going on.  It is a battle for my heart.  There are 2 battles really.  One is being waged by the enemy of my soul. He wants to destroy my heart.  He wants nothing less than to destroy me, to knock me down, to knock me out of the battle altogether.  His attacks are fierce at times.  But they haven't destroyed me yet, and by the grace of God they won't.  But he is relentless in his attempts to destroy what Christ has done in me.  To destroy the works that Christ is doing in me now.  And to steal and destroy my destiny in Christ. 


The other battle is one being waged by Father.  It's not even close to the same kind of battle, but it is a battle nonetheless.  It's a battle FOR my heart.  He WANTS my heart.  And not just part of it....He wants all of it.


I am learning through all of these different things, that in order for me to continue on the journey, I MUST be relentless in my pursuit of Him.  I must be rigid when it comes to how I live my life.  I must be adamant and unyielding to what I will and will not do.  To how I will determine to go after His heart with all that is within me.  I must be Relentless.  I want to be unyielding to the ways of the flesh in my life, to the ways of the world.  I want to be anything but status quo when it comes to how I pursue Him.


On the flip side of this, I am learning that His pursuit of me is the same...it is relentless.  He is jealous for me.  He doesn't want part of me. He doesn't want half of me.  He wants ALL of me.  And so out of that intense love He has for me, He pursues me...relentlessly.  In His pursuit He allows me to walk through different valleys, periods of darkness, periods of sorrow.  Why?  Because He knows that when I walk through those times, when I find Him in the midst of it, my heart is forever changed.  He knows that during those times, He becomes my all in all.  And so He pursues...relentlessly. 


You see, in His relentless pursuit of my heart, and by allowing me to walk through the valley, when I have tasted Him, when I have tasted His goodness in the darkest of times, He knows that it will turn my heart to pursue Him.  And the more I see His goodness in the darkness, the more relentless I will be  to pursue HIS heart.  See the connection?  Friend, there are some priceless treasures to be found in the darkness. (that's a whole nother blog right there!)


He pursues me, so that I will pursue Him.  He draws me so I will seek.  It is relentless.  And I want to be relentless in my devotion to Him.  He loves us, oh how He loves us......relentlessly.....

A trip to the other side of the world....

If you would've asked me a few years ago, "would you like to go to on a mission trip to Africa?" I would have happily answered NO WAY.  "I'm not called to missions",  I've always said.  So I never gave it much thought.  Sadly, anything that had to do with missions has never really interested me.  I thought it was great if someone went on a mission trip or moved across the world to be a full time missionary, but personally I never had any interest in doing anything even remotely close.  Until this year.

In January of this past year I made alot of decisions in my life.  One of those was to pursue Christ deeper than I ever have.  I wanted to dig deeper, to dive deeper, to live deeper than what I had known before.  I was tired of being normal as it pertained to me spiritually.  I wanted something more than what I had, more than what I had ever known.  And I went on a journey to pursue just that.  

And while I don't feel a call to sell all of my belongings and move halfway across the world, I have felt a call to do something else, which I believe is what Father calls each of us to do.  Say YES.  Put our yes on the table and let Him decide what that means, where that leads us.  We say yes before we even know the question.  And that's what I've done.  I've put my yes on the table and said whatever, whenever, whomever, however, whereever. 

I started reading the book Radical a few months ago.  It changed my life completely.  It turned the whole "yes" into something deeper.  And it challenged me to go deeper in so many ways.  While reading that book I felt such a strong calling to go on a mission trip.  I didn't know where, I just I wanted and needed to go.  And it was a strong desire in my heart.  Actually a very foreign desire because I'd never really wanted to do that before.  So as it all turns out, I found out about a trip my church was taking to Zimbabwe on a Friday, 2 weeks before they were scheduled to leave.  Turns out God had that trip in mind for me because 2 weeks later I had a passport, a plane ticket, and was on my way halfway across the world to step into something I'd never dreamed possible.

To say that this trip was life changing is an understatement.  I saw things I never knew.  I saw God in ways I had never had before.  I saw Him in a different people group as they worshipped Him in their tribal tongue.  I saw Him in glorious creation through wild animals and majestic waterfalls.  I saw Him in the eyes of children who had nothing, yet had everything.  HE was all they had.  And He was enough.  It was a humbling thing, needless to say.  Here in America, we have all we need.  Our faith doesn't cost us anything, really.  Maybe our pride at times.  But its not at a point where it costs us our lives. 

One thing that has stuck with me is desperation.  How desperate am I to see Him?  Not just see Him, but to see Him around me in ways I've never looked for before.  To see Him in the people I meet.  To see Him in His creation.  Just to SEE Him.  Theres a song that's near and dear to my heart, "The More I Seek You" by Kari Jobe.  That song came to life for me in Africa.  Because I went seeking Him, and I found Him in so many unexpected places.  And the more I found Him, the more I fell in love with Him.  It's hard not to fall completely head over heels in love with Him when you start seeing Him, seeing Who He is.  Who He REALLY is.

There's so much I could say about Africa.  It's hard to put into words sometimes how amazing that trip was.  It has put a love in my heart for a people group I never even heard of until those 2 weeks in August of this year.  And now the people of Zimbabwe are forever etched into my heart, into my soul.  If you're my facebook friend you can view all of my albums from the trip.  If not, I'm attaching a few of my faves here.

I'll leave you with this, if you haven't put your yes on the table yet with God, do it.  Throw caution to the wind and let yourself jump into complete abandonment to Him in every way.  I promise you won't regret it.  

Always....

Well, it's been a while since my last post, but my heart is full tonight and I want to write.  I've been doing alot of thinking lately about our stories.  God really opened up my eyes last week to how everyday of my life and what I'm going through is just a page in the book of my life.  I never know what that page is going to say, what that chapter is going to be about, what the details that will be surrounding it.  Sometimes its good and fun and joyous.  Then other times it's challenging.  And painful.  But the best part of all...I know Who wrote the book.  I know the Author of my life.  And His endings are always redemptive.  They are always glorious and holy.  They are always beautiful in every way.  And He has an ending for my story.  He has an ending for this chapter of my life right now.  And though the pages from start and the pages in between may be filled with hard days, I know there is an end in sight that is beyond my mind to comprehend at how beautiful and redemptive it will be.  He will bring about His purposes. And His great Name will be glorified.

I guess thats why it makes it easy to serve Him, to love Him.  Because no matter what, He always has my best interest at heart.  He is always working the circumstances of my life to bring me to Him,  to draw me to His heart and to ultimately bring Him glory.  Is it always fun?  No.  Sometimes the journey is tough.  But when I keep my eyes fixed on Him, the waves don't seem so big.  The storm doesn't seem so strong.  There's something about looking at Him that makes everything around me seem so small and insignificant.  Do I always keep my eyes focused on Him during the storm?  No.  Sometimes I take them off and look around.  That's when is start to sink.  Like we all do, really.  I forget Who I am looking at.  But if we could just realize the power to His gaze...wow.  There is so much in His gaze.  Look into His eyes and you'll find courage.  You'll find strength.  You'll find love.  You'll find peace.  You'll find the I Am.  The Great I AM.

Theres a new song out by Tricia Brock.  It is beyond amazing.  It's called Always.  The chorus says,
"Oh my God, He will not delay, my Refuge and Strength always...I will not fear, His promise is true, my God will come through always...always."  That song has become my life.  I have kept it on repeat this last week.  It is a breath from Father Himself to my spirit.  He knows all that we go through.  He knows every struggle-big and small.  And He will not delay in coming to our side.  He will not delay to bring us strength, to be a refuge for us in times of trouble.  And He will ALWAYS come through.  ALWAYS.  What a comforting thought.

Sometimes things seem overwhelming.  We all encounter things that are bigger than us.  More than we can handle.  But that's when He steps in.  He shows Himself strong.  He shows Himself true in every way.  And He shows us that He is God, that He is good even when the circumstances are not.  He is still holy.  And more than that, He shows us that He is able.  Our God is able. 

He is the place our soul finds rest in the battle.  Sometimes when the battle is most intense, when we have been injured from fighting, when we are deeply wounded, He steps in.  He becomes that shelter.  He cleans us up, and fills us with strength to go another day.  To keep fighting.  I know in my life, the battles are raging.  Some days they are more intense than others, but one thing remains the same....He is my refuge and strength always. And He WILL come through.  Always.

So I want to encourage you.  If you are in the midst of a battle, if you are wounded, if you are just tired from it all, then do this...lift up your eyes, for your help comes from the Lord.  He will be your refuge and strength.  You can rely and stand on His promise.  He WILL come through.  ALWAYS.